A Series of Unnerving Events
by Melissa Brandybuck
Summary: A Series of Unnerving Events - The Braindead Beginning. A parody of 'A Series of Unfortunate Events'. R&R please. That is, if you're interested...Please read. I highly recommend for someone who wants to laugh. Please review, so I'll continue. I'd like to.
1. Chapter 1

**A Series of Unnerving Events **

**A/N: Hello everyone! It's yours truly, Melissa Brandybuck, heeding another attempt at FanFiction. Though I assure you the stuff in this fic are very true. VERY true. Anyways, I'd like to see how you take this parody. And I think I'll do the whole series if my impeccably boring life allows it. Let's see how the first chappie goes!**

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The Braindead Beginning

Chapter 1

In every movie, book, TV show, or phone call, there is always a good beginning and a bad beginning. Then again, there's always the inbetween. Some people call this 'okay', which is a bit too positive; of course, there's always 'not okay', which is negative. I find this rarely debated debate very odd. The logical solution for this is that the middle ought to be Braindead. Why? Well, firstly, it sounds funny, which usually makes it more appealing; secondly, it means nothing (Unless you go into scientific explanations). The Nothing Beginning is what you'd call it. Why? Well, the correct balance between good and evil is neutral, which means NO side. I find it odd to be able to maintain this position, as we are equally good and evil. If you're being evil, aren't you being good in your own way? So therefore, everyone is braindead. And also, for your information, people use only 3 of their brains. So, the 0 Beginning might work too. Albert Einstein used 10 of his brain. And interestingly enough, he came up with that fact. But sadly enough, this has nothing to do with our story. My name is Melissa Brandybuck (Or is it?), and I have been delegated the sad task of telling you the unnerving story of the Baldilaire children. Though this may seem more of a story than an actual essay or study, notice the beginning. It's braindead.

The oldest Baldilaire child was called Daisy, she was 14 years old, and was the best 14 year old chemist around. She had a little purple chemistry set that she carried around, filled with and made up of atoms. She had a wide knowledge of gases, and had memorized the whole Periodic Table. This, of course, did not help much at that time; because 14 year olds at that time did not need to memorize it. Therefore, we move onto her other special ability. It wasn't exactly an ability, now that you come to think of it, more of a physical trait. She had looooooong hair. As in, almost to her knees. She liked nothing better than to tie a plait down the back, and most who knew her well knew that when she tied a plait down the back, it meant that she was thinking of new ways to mix sulfuric acid and something else to blow something else up. She also liked quotes, which she quoted too often. Which leads us to Claus.

Claus was the middle Baldilaire child, and he liked to read comic books. Whatever comic books he read, he did. As in – acted out. If Superman jumped out a window in his comic book, he would do so. Well, not necessarily. But I assume you get the point. Oh, he was also incredibly smart.

Sonny was the youngest Baldilaire child, and – though it may hint otherwise in her name – she was a girl. No one to this day knows why the Baldilaire parents (If you can call them that) named their daughter, Sonny. But if we look at it one way, you wouldn't want a daughter called Daughtery, now would you? They – of course – could have changed her name to 'Sunny'. But they didn't. Ah well. Speaking of Sonny, she also had sticky saliva. She could – I think – glue an alligator to a wall. A baby alligator, of course, but succeeded in gluing Claus and Daisy to the wall many times.

This trio are very important to the story, if they weren't alive, well, I wouldn't exactly be writing this. And you'd never have read this. Funny, isn't it? Anyways, the trio were lounging on a beach. To be precise, it was a bay. But it doesn't quite matter if you look at it either way, does it? Back to the point, the bay/beach was called Sunshine Bay. Though it might have been a beach. But still, it was called Sunshine Bay. Why it was called Sunshine Bay, no one knows. Of course, it could have been a simply very silly way of dragging tourists here, but you can tell it is NEVER sunny at Sunshine Bay. NEVER. N. E.V.E.R. N-E-V-E-R. NEEEVVVEEEERRR.

I think I've quite made my point.

Anyhoo, Sunshine Bay was not sunny, no matter what it's name may lead you to believe. And this day, it couldn't have been gloomier. The weather, the boredom, and the news the Baldilaires were about to receive.

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**A/N: You like? If so, please review. You laughed? If so, please review. You don't like it? If so, please review. You don't CARE? If so, please review anyways. I sincerely hoped you enjoyed reading this as much as I liked writing it. If there ARE reviews…I may just continue the story.**


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Ooh! 3 reviews! Yip-dee-doo! I'm currently celebrating my 100-review Phantom of the Opera story right now, and I'm taking a break from that, and working on this. Not a LONG break, mind you…but a break nonetheless. 

**Thanks to: Daisy Aiken, dqc, and Nny11.**

**Chapter given PG-13 rating for brief use of the 'H' word (As some would say).**

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"Kapeesh." Sonny stated, being at the age where one usually talks in incomprehensible words. "Kapeesh." She repeated. This, of course, could've meant: The water is cold; it also could've meant: I don't like this beach/bay; of course, it could've meant nothing at all, but Claus and Daisy assumed it meant: Who the hell is that creepy figure coming out of the mist?

"I wonder who it is?" Daisy – well – _wondered_.

"Aah!" Claus gasped, "It must be the evil MistMan from the SuperPeoples series! He's going to use his super powers at turn us into mist!" Claus frantically clutched his sister's hand, "I don't want to be watteeeerrrrr!"

"Gabring." Sonny added drily. This, they assumed, meant 'it's actually our financial advisor'.

"Mr. Pope! Good evening!" Daisy delightedly cried.

"Is it evening? Good heavens! I thought it was morning…but you can't quite tell with the weather here, eh? Eh? E-COUGHCOUGH! HRRUUUGH! HRRRUGH! KA-CLECK! KAKAAKAKAKH!" Mr. Pope, a tall plump man with a monocle said, breaking out into his daily routine of coughing. "KAKAKAKAKAAHHHHHH!" he gasped, as the children looked on, wincing. They were used to such happenings, seeing as Mr. Pope had gone to their estate for dinner a few times, and often coughed. VERY often. "KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHGRRREEEECK!" he croaked, "KEKEKEKOOOOOK!" he creaked, and at last, with a big "KAAAAHCK!", he stopped coughing.

"Are you all right?" Daisy timidly asked.

"Gahd?" Sonny kindly said, repeating Daisy's words in her own way.

"Yes yes…quite…"

"I don't mean to be rude," Claus started, "But what are you doing here?"

"Oh dear…" Mr. Pope sighed, "Children, I have come to inform you of a seriously unnerving event."

A silence swept the Baldilaires, what could've happened? They all wondered.

"Your parents…were killed in a fire that burned down your whole estate."

A second silence that never quite started, as the first one never quite ended, swept the Baldilaires.

You can never know how it is to hear this kind of news, unless – of course, and most obviously – it's happened to you before. The first thing that probably comes to mind is:

Is this some sort of sick joke?

And you ask if it is.

And they say 'no'.

The next thing that happens, is a horrible gut-wrenching feeling of loss. It feels like a dagger in your side, your world seems to stop, and each breath you take makes it all worse.

Of course, I don't know this, I'm just assuming that's what it feels like. But back to the story – Sonny, Claus, and Daisy were each feeling the above. Horrible, and miserable. Daisy started crying, and Sonny followed suit. Claus, obviously disturbed, asked a silly question.

"Why, Mr. Pope, is this 'unnerving'? I'd say it's more unfortunate."

"Well…your parents were on a double date with two other people on a double date and ended up going out to dinner with two other double daters, ending up on a quadruple date, and adding the 6 other couples that joined, a dodecadate."

"But if you added two, plus two, plus two, wouldn't that make six people? Three couples? Not four?" Claus interjected angrily.

"There's no time for silly questions!" Mr. Pope simply said, "I'm going to take you to your closest relative's house, soon. First of all, you'll stay at my house. You'll love it there, and my two twin daughters."

A third silence swept the Baldilaires, and they noted that each silence was heavier, and sadder.

"Come now…" Mr. Pope said in a quieter and kinder voice. He put a hand on Claus' shoulder, and brought him along to his car, just outside of Sunny Bay. Daisy picked Sonny up, and carried her to catch up with Claus and Mr. Pope.

The Baldilaire children - now the Baldilaire orphans - sat down in the car quietly, and wondered what would become of them now.

A fourth silence set the scene, but was soon interrupted by Mr. Pope's cries of: "HRUUUGH! KHAKHAKHAK! CUKCUKCUK! CAK! COUGHCOUGHCOUGH!"

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**A/N: **I don't think that was as long as the last chapter? But anyways, I really hoped you liked this one.

– Melissa Brandybuck


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